Bandito

New site.

2011-07-24T14:34:00.000-05:00

don't rewwy blog anymores.

tumblr is where ya'll will find me.

http://nanditarahman.tumblr.com/

ciao

mush potatoes

2011-04-10T21:19:00.002-05:00

For the first time in a long time, I've opened my eyes to the horizon. It doesn't stress me out anymore, in fact- I can't contain my excitement. I'm constantly caught off guard by the amount of love and kindness I am shown by people. I've gotten used to the casual drift of human emotions, the wax/wane movements that happen when busy people are friends with one another. It has in a way, made me mildly indifferent and created this ability to become detached from others easily, which is a good and bad thing. What really baffles me, are those moments when people tell me that they truly value my presence in their life and it comes from the most unlikely place, with people that I honestly would never think would think twice about my presence in the first place.

I feel super loved; I am also super enabled to love. That's a cyclical feedback-loop I'll allow to exist in my life-plan any day. I owe it to God; all things happen as a result of his delicate and intricate planning. I owe it to myself- for making myself get to this place. I owe it to my friends and significant other.

Mushy post, but I'm serious- I've never been this happy; every springing step brings me closer to moments of happiness, productivity and gratefulness.

that feeling.

2010-12-28T01:15:00.004-06:00

That feeling of anticipation and excitement with subtle notes of dread. I'm filled with it, it's in my sweat. I do not want to fail and I will not fail. It's a feeling of confidence and surety, but levelheadedness- knowing that idealism is not well, ideal.

I've never felt so sure that I'm becoming more complete as the days go by. I used to feel like all my puzzle pieces were floating and strewn about in this huge ocean; that it wasn't my fault that I was like that and couldn't get it together. Accountability is a really crazy, mind-bendy beast. Sometimes it takes years to actually learn what accountability is and then it takes another however many to act upon it.

I guess if I could sum up everything: I feel old, I'm grateful to God I'm still here, I'm going to be unstoppable when I graduate (which still will take some time).

Accountability, is what makes this entire post, optimistic as it may be- hurt.

The Party

2010-11-02T01:30:00.001-05:00

How did we get here with creaks in these chairs?
Oh there aren't enough hands to point all the fingers

- St. Vincent

Etsy Updates

2010-02-10T21:20:00.003-06:00

I have finally found a hobby that lives harmoniously with me. Knitting took too much effort and I just couldn't focus, but for some unexplainable reason, I have found that I can sit down at a sewing machine and pour over clothing for hours and hours on end without break. So below is one of my first finished projects that I am selling made to order. Check out my shop and drop by as I will be adding more finished projects to it! I'm in the middle of making a mini messenger bag as well as another wristlet.

My Etsy Shop

chank you

college dropout

2009-12-05T16:05:00.003-06:00

This is random but I feel as though it needs to be said. As far as pivotal, quintessential, necessary rap albums of our generation to listen to go, Kanye West's "College Dropout," resides in the upper quartiles of that category. I've been listening to that album since 2004 on my 4 hour drives from Crookston, MN to Duluth. This album fully captures every morsel of Kanye's genius nobility and cleverness that jet-setted him into the mainstream ocean. It's a shame to see all of that humility go down the drain.

wiki

Eid Mubarak + Lessons

2009-11-27T01:23:00.005-06:00

Eid Mubarak to everyone, I'm currently sitting in my room and thanks to my little brother, I have spent the last 24 hours playing Final Fantasy 12 to my wee heart's delight. There's something about wandering for hours and hours in an world that doesn't exist that has that tempting no-strings attached draw to it. Like, I really do get why people are addicted to video games.

This is unrelated to Eid, it's actually just a series of unremarkable points I've gathered and felt as though should be jotted down somewhere. Anyways. Here's what I have learned the last few weeks.

- Often times when you feel like someone is doing something wrong and you tell them that they are in fact doing something wrong, two things will happen: a) one person or the other (or both) will dissolve into a puddle of tears of realization and "You're right it-was-me-not-you/no-it-wasn't-it was-me's" OR b) you will be de-friended on facebook.

- You can tell what kind of friend a person will be to you, based on the way they treat their other friends. If you have a friend that constantly and unjustifiably berates his/her friends; what is going to stop them from doing the same to you? A sub-note to this point is that sometimes you don't have to explain to people why you leave them. If there is a lack of respect or someone is hurting you, pick up your bag and go, you don't want to hang around for dessert. My dad always told me that people who are closest to you can either really help you or really hurt you because of how much they know about you and they should only be helping. Yet another reason why we should try to keep at least some cards close to the chest.

- I've also learned that people who are angry and spiteful, will probably stay that way. For a long time. And it's no one's job to withstand or tolerate that sort of negativity.

- I've learned, that I am a flake. Although I'd like to include more than just a bullet-point to address that, I can say that I constantly feel the cringe of being a socially ignorant. So, for anyone I've flaked on, I'm sorry. I hope you all know that I am attempting to make reparations, please be merciful as I come offering once more with my reasons for being reclusive.

So basically, thus far I've learned a lot of really really not so great things about myself/people.
How about some good things?

- Having people that mutually exchange feelings of sentiment and affection, that is priceless. It's what keeps people going, allows them to wake up in the morning knowing they are loved and going to sleep at night knowing that they are loved. I have people in my life that have shown me what it means to commit to a life-long/afterlife-long bond of friendship.

- Friends will always fight, sometimes the fights can last for months. But what really is amazing, is getting through it and surviving. Those are the friendships that last because they recognize that we as individuals, are imperfect. Especially to each other, the key is to not hold it against one another.

- Family is number one.

I dunno. I had more, I suppose I'll finish it later. I am off to go catch 6 hrs of sleep before Eid brayer. peace.

from the earth

2009-11-20T23:24:00.005-06:00

Nobility knows no shape,
Its wearer hides under even the most mundane of disguises.
Earthen wrought, leather sun-kissed hands,
That fashion heart into deeds,
And sow them into humanity,
Clothing what our souls need.
Providing reprieve and desperately weeding out,
The perils of mankind.
Social seam-rippers of the best type,
They take apart the fittings,
Stitch by stitch,
With a surgeons precision,
They resuscitate and revive.

oh herro

2009-11-16T23:49:00.005-06:00

its been awhile. unfortunately, I have nothing too great to say and quite often more than not- I start feeling like I'm getting dumber by the day. I know the mind is a tool meant to be sharpened, but I think I've reached the apex of my intelligence and am slowly sliding down the hill in that respect.

- there are times that I really wish, my brain had a "system restore" option. Much like how when you decide to install an update of some program (at the discretion of said app) and come to the realization that the update does not in fact help you. It actually does the opposite and completely messes with the schema of your computer's registry, leaving you helpless and alone. And of course you aren't about to get dirty and roll up your sleeves to fish it out of the registry, so you click on your handy dandy system restore and voila, "what update?" If you apply that in the cognitive sense, you'll realize that a system restore- would in fact, be very very convenient. Some people have learned to master this trick through the art of being ignorant or a variety of defense mechanisms, but for the painfully self-aware- this is a very hard thing to do. Do you ever have those sort of thoughts that as soon as you think them, you wish that in fact you hadn't? It's like the mental equivalent of Pandora's box. Sometimes, when you go there with your brain, you also wish that there was a way to undo that. But alas, there is no such thing. No user-friendly eraser that allows you to mop away the entrails of the mind war that goes on in our brains constantly. I mean, I'm not in anyway in a state of distress. I'm pretty good, I just think it would be kinda nice sometimes.

I have a lot more things to write about actually, but they are mostly rant-y and involve how much society and people and also how much I really suck so I'm going to spare you for now. have a great day folks

salaams

work+

2009-09-29T16:03:00.002-05:00

I have been trying to motivate myself to get back into training for some half-marathons since the weather is becoming cooler. I was so lucky to be bequeathed with a 3mo/membership to the Hyatt Gym. This is nice because its less men inhabited and quiet. Yesterday I started my membership and was welcomed to a quiet locker room, individualized showers, and sparsely populated fitness center. I ran ~4mi and did every press that did not require legs. Needless to say I am sore, but happy.

snippet

2009-09-02T23:56:00.003-05:00

now that my heart is open
it can't be closed, or broken.

Pico

2009-09-01T09:47:00.002-05:00

Easy Pico (suitable for any taco night)

2 Tomatoes
1 Tomatillo
1 Jalapeno (seeded)
1/2 Medium White Onion
1 Clove of garlic
Lime (to taste, approx 1 tbsp)
Salt, Pepper to taste (if you have sea salt and cracked pepper, this works even better)
Small handful of Cilantro (chopped)

Finely chop tomatillo, tomatoes, jalapenos, onion, garlic and mix in a bowl. Add the chopped cilantro and toss. Lightly season with salt and pepper. Squeeze lime juice over and toss again. Add more salt if necessary. Eat.

dhikr + love

2009-07-17T02:43:00.004-05:00

when the soul that is concurrently flowing,
is able to sigh in relief;
allowing the body to hiccup in soft-stuttering standstill,
embracing its closeness to the lord.

that is what dhikr is.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Things have been really changing quite moderately this summer. One can only hope for the best, but support and compassion really wave away any ideas of resignation that loom in every once and awhile. I know we as humans are inclined to participate in the whole waxing/waning of emotional and spiritual tides. I really worry sometimes at the frailty of our emotions. At the same time I am definitely confident about the steps I need to take to further myself and life (isA) to the next more optimized level.

Sitting around thinking about mortality is probably a really bleak thing to do, but it definitely puts things in perspective that absolutely nothing we own is ours to keep forever. Every minute that passes is somewhat like a threaded knot that slips off from our length of cord that we label life. Eventually we reach the end, our cords of different lengths, and then who would we turn to for help?

I am grateful to sit here, breath sweet air, comfortably though perhaps not deservingly, thank you eleventy billion times for the life you have given me; and to the people I love the most.

the peace be upon ya'll.

quiet crevices.

2009-07-04T02:36:00.005-05:00

I am in quite the social pothole.
And I really don't mind it one bit.

The conqueror has also been banished from the castle.

It took two very articulate notes, detailed scrutiny of my subleasing contract and keys being thrown at my door,
BUT-

no more unpleasant discoveries of shrines of chicken-fat deposits around my apartment.
no more gut-wrenching potential nighttime visitors found via Craigslist claiming to sport 160 IQs.
no more frying oil infused air hanging heavily onto my shoulders, clothes and hair.
no more returning home after spending all day in some random coffee shop, shooting pangs of dread enveloping me as I listen to the grooves of my key slide into the door lock and twisting open the door, eyes closed.

No more of all of this, makes me very inebriated with relief. I feel like Donkey Kong at the end of DK Country after he annihilates King K. Rool, arms raised in triumph, standing on a horde of bananas.

alhamdulillah (x11ty billion)

Training Begins (Again)

2009-06-26T14:24:00.002-05:00

I think I'm going to register for the TC Half Marathon, not sure yet, but I know that I'm going to partake in at least one hopefully in August (MN Half). Vengeance shall be freaking mine.

I was ready to run the Minnetonka Half-Marathon, until a trip to madison allowed me to contract some sort of weird viral thing that happened to strike everyone in our traveling camp, except my strain lasted for a good three weeks. A good three weeks which overlapped with the date of the half-marathon. I sucked it up and made it to the starting area, got my timing chip in, and after much coercion from my friends, sadly handed back the timing chip. I was simply too sick to run it and I made Samsung return the chip in humiliation. I'm grateful my friends talked me out of it because odds are my heart would have most likely given out mid-race. no bueno.

So, after a two month haitus, I started running again.
I must add: re-training sucks. its sucks ass. I forgot about all this run three min, walk three min bs. but's its necessary bs.

anways, I've started updating again on nikeplus yay.

mmm.

2009-06-23T00:58:00.005-05:00

I need an excuse to recreate the strawberry crepes I made in Cali. I pulled a standard recipe, subbed half and half instead of milk, tossed strawberries in OJ and sugar and skipped around in ebullient rapture at my creation. They were so light, buttery, perfect texture and weight and density with just the correct amount of sweetness that slid over my palette. added with the tang of fresh strawberries and whip cream. I was in heaven. I don't know if people realize how obsessed I am with crepes.

Goodbye magic pan crepes and paying $2.25 to bus/light rail over to Mall of America and then paying $6.95 more to eat your strawberry light buttery goodness.

I got this recipe pwned. Thank you Alton Brown.
Anyone want to come over for brunch, I'm looking for an excuse.

come as you were

2009-06-15T01:48:00.001-05:00

no cares,
no cars,
no heat,
no heaven,
no mice,
no might,
no dash,
no deal.

Your Heart Is a River

2009-06-07T02:33:00.010-05:00

I'm sitting here packing my suitcase for the fly back home, well to be correct "home." Minneapolis will forever be this city that I am either escaping/or fleeing to. Which if covering the last four years, you'd actually find to be alarmingly true. eeeanyways. I will miss my parents, which is the usual given but today I am closer to realizing the feeling of mortality, and with that- also more aware that our time with them is limited. It seems far away enough to not have to worry about it I guess. Hmm. I love my family. Which is really tight.

I am writing this post to myself to remember the value of kindred. Even if you fly back home 3,000 some miles after not seeing them for half a year and even if within 12 hrs after landing you want to claw your way up over the walls and roadrunner it right back in the opposite direction choking on your own belligerence. Even if your family members decide to bicker and pester each other and then proceed to lock themselves into their own rooms, whether to go raid for 12hrs on World of Warcraft- avoiding all family outings, or lay on the sofa watching endless natoks (soap operas) or going out to work on the sprinkler system for the eleventy billionth time because they are a soil agronomist and think themselves the sole conductor in an irrigational symphony of rising water heads; point is- that inhabitance, that presence, is a space and lunacy that I could never put a price onto. I mean don't get me wrong, I am crazy too.

I used to think I lived in a very dysfunctional household (I still sort of do), but little did I give value to the fact that I still have a household when many are not as fortunate to have that. I'm humbled and grateful that life thus far has kept this psychotic trio close to me. And while presently I am standing here listening to the endless overbearing nagging and bickering slurry of words that are jamming themselves into my ears, and feeling the beads of stress drip off my forehead as I try to maintain a grimaced smile as I nod my head in cognizance. I know deep down, that I am so lucky.

so damn you parents and your friggin' chivalry and greatness and the I love you I hate you emotional motif you make me utilize. And the door-slamming and fist shaking dance of devotion that you make me break into. thank you for being the most elevated of examples and display of twisted altruism, that allow me to break the light into shades of goodness and clarity.

if this post was too mushy and you are weak of stomach, here's a bag. no no, really go ahead I don't mind.

melt.

2009-06-03T15:52:00.005-05:00

Today, I cringed in irreconcilable pain upon looking at the Melt lineup for 2009. To think that so many electronic acts will be present in a place I will not be, is cruel, but life. (k, Im being dramatic but.)

One day I hope when I land on a pile of cash, to be able to make it there.
There most likely, I will probably cry some more. Uncontrollably like some Japanese school girl witnessing her favorite boy band god enter onstage. ahh ahh amg. korisawa domo nikorigesu.

melt

paper planes.

2009-06-02T03:42:00.006-05:00

In the morning-light, I had slowly shaken myself away from the lull of the earliness. Looking out the window it felt as though my eyes were playing tricks on me. I saw the faint sun permeate throughout the clouds, hitting it at an angle that looked as though a blood-like mist had crawled up and into the mountainside. As though the gods themselves had taken bodies and shot them up into the sky like arrows. Their adaptation of a more organic fourth of july. I lingered on this thought and allowed my breath to opaquely fog the thick plastic porthole, then rested my head against the coldness.

In the nighttime, over some obscure prairie land, I looked out once more. A sea of billowy deep indigo with layers of orange then red and then greenish blue. I thought that what a world you could create more than the 32 million color scheme we were limited to. What sort of boundless, brilliant feats you conjured up that made me love you more and more at the mere glance of it. As though you flexed in technicolor and chrome and in dimensions I could never visually entertain, and in sounds I could never aurally ascertain.

I pray it will be my love for you that will bring me to the front steps of your homeland, seeking in deeply the ecstatic fragrance of your being. Bringing me down to my shoulders and knees and absolving me, washing me, with tears.

Why I Like Being Home in California

2009-05-26T15:10:00.002-05:00

Waking up to breakfasts like this:

I am happily relaxing at home. Perusing all the albums I haven't even been able to glance at all semester. Applying for new jobs, and catching up on my shows.

God bless California, and knowing barely anyone here. I'm really really happy right now. alhamdulillah.

pax

pedal to the metal

2009-05-06T11:53:00.003-05:00

I got a bike! And I'm in love with it.

Here's to taking only 5 minutes to get to work err'day. Its beautiful.

It's a 1973 Schwinn, restored and it was only $100 off of craigslist.

wheee.

Nike Plus

2009-04-14T21:37:00.002-05:00

Today ran 3 miles.
killed it with 7.04 min/mile pace.

I am stoked.

Lake Harriet Run

2009-04-11T12:20:00.003-05:00

Today, I ran with my CCFA group at Lake Harriet. I ran a total of 7.5 miles, with my first 3 miles clocking in at ~26 and my second 3mi lap clocking in at 23:59. Crazy.

I never thought I'd get back into this running thing but I'm getting pretty good alhamdulillah. I am keeping around a bit above an 8 minute mile for 6 miles so far, my half-marathon is in a few weeks.

Let's hope for the Napa race that I can get below an 8 min mile through the entire thing. I just purchased the nike sport kit, so I will be able to tabulate everything. So psyched.

This week's Mileage
-----------------------
3.0 mi
4.0 mi
6.0 mi
7.5 mi
---------------------
Total: 20.5 miles

w00t.

[edit]

All you 1st generation iTouch users, be careful when purchasing the nike sport kit. because it WILL NOT work on your ipod. Unfortunately this is what I found out after putting the transmitter into the socket and repeatedly seeing a "this accessory is not compatible with this ipod" flash screen. fantastic.

After forum searching I soon realized that this was a hardware issue and not something a software patch/hack could fix. So, I hopped on craigslist. Found the closest person that wanted to sell their 2nd gen iTouch, and asked if I could trade. Granted I traded a 1st gen 16GB iTouch for a 8GB 2nd gen, but in the long run I definitely got a better bargain since Apple touched up a bunch of stuff in the 2nd gen such as sound, vibration, volume controls and of course- transmitter function for Nike Sport. All that space simply allowed me to accrue tons of music that gradually became lost underneath the cascade of music being piled into mypod.

So kids, lesson for today is: If you can't fix it, find it on craigslist.

5K

2009-04-08T18:22:00.003-05:00

chicago marathon 2007-19
Originally uploaded by Brian Gudas Photography.

this past weekend I finished my third 5K for the year, I've been averaging about 9 minutes per mile but this time for the 5K for Research at the U of M I managed to put a time of 24m32s under my belt.

When I first started the race I was not feeling like I was going to do my best, considering I had run earlier that week and had forgotten to consume any protein after my run. no protein = extremely sore calves.

So said temperamental calves and I started off at the back of the pack which I always hate. But (shrugs). My first mile was excruciatingly difficult since I couldn't figure out a decent comfortable pace and was breathing a bit laboriously. I decided to take a 10 second walk break in between mile 1 and 2. Which proved to be more helpful than I thought. The thing that I hate about the 5K course at the U is that they have you loop around twice, which means that mentally once you've finished the course once, your brain automatically goes "crap. I have another lap to go." Which always gets me.

After starting the second lap, I still hadn't settled on a good pace and was doing a haphazard mish-mash of pick-ups and slow downs as to not over exert myself. I was on the washington bridge with little less than half a mile to go when I looked at my timer and saw that it said 18 minutes and was blown away. So at this point I saw a new track come onto my iPod (a presets track if anyone cares) and knew that the track lasted 5m and 44s, because that is how I am with these sort of things. I decided that I had to cross that finish line before the song was over, which actually hyped me up even more and enabled me to cross the finish before the song was over.

When I was sprinting towards the end, red flashing numbers blurry and in view, I could not believe that I had actually beaten my goal of 25m. Yea I was a liiiittle excited.

I still think that in some cruel way, the clock was wrong. I dunno.

Anyways, I've picked up training for the half marathon which is in less than a month. I am absolutely terrified. I didn't think it would sneak up on me this quickly, but of course, it did. Wish me luck.

ouch.

2009-03-05T06:52:00.004-06:00

On advice from a roomate, I ran her route. Five miles, hills, wind. I am in pain. But it's going to feel great when I can effortlessly run that route.

Went to Rochelle's concert, it was wonderful. Although it reminded me how much happier I would be if I was trained classically and majored in music. (shrugs)

This morning the fire alarm went off at 4am, for an hour. It was a banshee sounding crippled alarm noise, not quite fully alarm-y sounding enough to get me to respect its wishes and stumble downstairs. The firemens' jovial laughter outside only added to this. I looked out the window to see if anyone else left the building only to find it empty of evacuees, sadly we don't take fire alarms seriously in this apt complex.

Regardless, Im more happy at this moment than I have been amidst the muck, mire and drudgery I've been engulfed in for the last 8 months. Freedom is kind of scary fun.

I love the morning because its the coldest in the morning and there's a nice breeze and birds and etc etc. I'm a little sleep deprived, this might account for the obliviously enthusiastic type type typing.

night

I feel good.

2009-02-12T20:55:00.006-06:00

My heart feels lighter. Like its been blown up with Helium so its barely floating and bouncing off the ground. I'm feel more secure and comforted by being able to turn to you when I feel downtrodden and also when I feel relieved. I'm glad you are around. So thanks God (alhamdulillah). I appreciate it, but will most likely appreciate you later being as that I am the insolent humanoid I am. I know, I'm working on it. Also, if you could- help me get a good time in the 5k that'd be great. Only if you want me to though, I understand how these things work to a degree.

At least I know there is at least one thing that reads my blog.

(bye)

Mileage

2009-01-26T10:40:00.004-06:00

This week was monumental. Rima and I conquered the -25 degree windchilly weather to go to our class @ Running Room.

Week 3 (week 2 is n/a)

1.24.09: 2.0 mi

1.25.09: 4.0 mi (route)

-----------------------

Odometer: 18

not much mileage but brazen attitude, check.

Vacation Termination

2009-01-18T22:35:00.003-06:00

Cookie
Originally uploaded by Nandorito.

Nothing says home better than warm, chewy home-made gingersnaps. These things make me happy.

Well. My stay in California is nearing an end. I'll admit that although Fresno is probably not my ideal location to laze and atrophy in, the isolated and tumbleweed filled downtown streets definitely cater to the inner cave-dwelling side of me.

I learned how to knit, guitar, took up running again. Leave me in a room for months, just leave hobbies. I will be happy as a clam.

Also being around no one, lets me actually peek my head out of the clouds and enables me to poke around lifting rocks and exploring the spacious corners of thy brainium. Though we always envision breaks, vacations and getaways to be our sanctuaries for change, almost all too often when we return do those vivid ideals emblazoned in our minds become wavy mirages after time.

I hope that this time, different from all the other times I've returned, that I do in fact capture the ideas I have floating around.

Btw. If anyone wants to witness temperature shock fever, come find me tomorrow around this time. Moving from 70 degree weather to 0 degree weather induces some sort of freak 6 hour 104 fever illness that I cannot do anything to prevent. Last time I was delirious and on a bus and had to be helped by strangers home. Always a good time.

Mileage

2009-01-18T03:58:00.005-06:00

IMG_0791.JPG
Originally uploaded by gottlieb.

I'm trying to be consistent with running.

Week 1
1.15.08 : 3.0 mi.
1.16.08 : 2.5 mi
1.17.08 : 3.5 mi
1.18.08 : 3.0 mi (projected)
-----------------
Odometer: 12

It's a start I suppose.

Project 1: Specimen A

2009-01-08T18:39:00.008-06:00

When I first witnessed my roommate sitting in our living room knitting, I was slightly intrigued but not quite enough to really inquire what she was doing. But after I saw her churn out beautiful beautiful scarf, one after another and I begged her to teach me.

And I proved to be a very difficult student because have terrible time paying attention. Casting on was a day-long ordeal. I don't think either of us really knows how its technically done but it works.

So I proceeded to work on a rough piece, with some obnoxiously loud bright orange yard. Needless to say, my insatiable knack for picking up hobbies and then tossing them to the curb, struck again. I soon lost interest in knitting and my yarn and needles hung around the house as residual ornaments of my indifference.

Until now.

I've taken back up knitting while on my stay here in California. I made a trip to Bella Lana to buy some fine quality wool as well as some bamboo needles and decided to make a scarf for a friend. The pattern I decided to use is a farrow rib, purely because of its uncomplicated nature. It's quite simple even for a beginner, if you aren't attention deficient. Which I am, because I tend to forget which row ended with what.

Photo

This scarf, after taking this photo- took a turn for the worse. After getting tangled into a predicament of twists and knots I had to intervene with some knit rows and swallow my losses because I can't give up. After spending $24+ dollars on wool I don't think I have a choice really.

It's very awkward looking, but the next scarf I make I know will be more calculated and precise.

ticker tape nationalism

2009-01-05T19:30:00.005-06:00

Courtesy Of: WickedHealer @ DeviantArt.com

Test iPod Post

2009-01-04T17:52:00.002-06:00

Testing. Testing.

Is there anyone out there?

"There's a strange shape in the horizon.
It's heading straight for the village."

Posted with LifeCast

verde

2008-12-22T01:49:00.012-06:00

I long to catch raindrops in my palm,
To witness them dripping off fingertips,
And slink softly between my lips.

I want to single you out amongst the verdure,
I pull you closer to me.

Oh stubborn seed.
Your skeleton sealed tight.
I ache to unclasp you.

I'll watch you season after season,
until you swell open.

I'd pull your sides apart,
Kiss you and leave you upturned.
Visceral decorations litter the floor.

My fingers would carefully tip the contents,
Into folded paper and move you to soil.
I'd unearth trenches within my heart.

I long to learn.

When The Day Came

2008-12-20T22:44:00.001-06:00

When the Day came --
The Day I had lived and died for --
The Day that is not in any calendar --
Clouds heavy with love
Showered me with wild abundance.
Inside me, my soul was drenched.
Around me, even the desert grew green.

- Kabir

sat-monday

2008-11-10T19:53:00.003-06:00

- as you step off the bus, remember to thank the driver. Driving around in a circle for hours on end can easily lead one (me) to become incapacitated by a gaggle of paroxysms.

- Reading glamorama makes me bite back the compelling urge to say "spare me," every two seconds. spare me.

- half-caf is the best kind of caf. goodbye jitterbugs.

- I realized getting my pajama'ed college kid self out to vote, merely scratches the surface of what actually entails one's civic duty. putting parenthetical quotes around things often make them look very inappropriate, "civic duty."

- I've gotten really good at not stepping on cracks, I can almost do it subconsciously. It's silly but I can do it.

a conversation:

Man: hey! hey!

me: what?

Man: you! hey you! did you haaav fun?

me: what? what are you talking about

Man: did you haaav fun in there!

me: where?

Man: at the libree!

me: what the hell are you talking about, WHAT library

Man: (points to bar called 'Library')

me: ..oh. that library. (pulls down hood to reveal headscarf, emblem of all things righteous, or so I'm told)

me: I don't drink dude.

Man: (more perplexed by the fact I don't drink, also doesn't get why I pulled down my hood)

Man: you done drink? AVER?

Me: let's not go there, but nope I do not.

Man: why don't you drink?

Me: My faith instructs me not to, also I have found a productive use of time, lastly- it would probably be the end of me

Man: wow...so like whats the difference between like you know jeewws and maslims and chreestians (drunk + at some point used to be attractive accent)

Me: silent. (this is probably my cue to go now)

Me: okay, well it's really really cold outside I should go

Man: wait a sec, whaat was yuur name agen?

Me: Never gave it to you in the first place

Man: Where are you from?

Me: Not answering that, where are YOU from? Are you latino? (He looked it)

Man: Noh. I am NOT Latino. I am BRAH-silian.

Me: ah, okay. So you speak porthugese

Man: wow, you know the language

Me: just how to say it, okay I gotta go.

Man: I'd like to speak to you more

Me: I don't think thats going to happen tonight, but you have a great night.

What's worse than a pseudo male model? A pseudo male model that speaks english. I'd have no problem if he continued dribbling on at me in some obscure dialect. See- I'd be okay with that. I'd even set up card table for two and cup my chin in my hands and entertain the incomprehensible tea-party palaver until the sun came up. okbye.

Whispers of Love

2008-10-15T14:04:00.002-05:00

Lover whispers to my ear,
"Better to be a prey than a hunter.
Make yourself My fool.
Stop trying to be the sun and become a speck!
Dwell at My door and be homeless.
Don't pretend to be a candle, be a moth,
so you may taste the savor of Life
and know the power hidden in serving."

-Rumi

pain.

2008-09-16T00:09:00.007-05:00

I am a lion with a severely large thorn in my paw.
I don't even think I'm trying to be symbolic here.

No joke. I am in pain.

It all started this weekend when I walked into a cafe. My head was lightly pounding earlier but being someone that suffers from daily headaches anyways I wasn't too alarmed. The music that was moving throughout the establishment filled into my ears, usually a delightful thing. Today, was not such a day. I felt the fingers of music slip into through my canal, bounce off of the thin membrane drum and rustle through the forest of fibers deep in the cavern of my cochlea. Much to my dismay though it did not stop there. It kept going deeper, snaked its way down my throat and sure enough its exit mark revealed itself. On a more calcium rich relative.

My molar to be exact.

I grabbed the side of my mouth in clear anguish as I felt the rear of my teeth throb in unison with the usually vibrant and pulsating beat of the music around me. I felt the pulpy raw redness of the heart of my possessed tooth dance wildly, banging against its fists against a cell of glistening white. It had gone mad.

And so I've been this way for the past two nights (approaching third.) I bought a tube of ambesol to quiet the sob down. Realized it is more than something local. This mutiny has reached many ears and the war-drums rumble from someplace much deeper.

My reason for this post, not only because I cannot sleep, but because of the fact that I am so appalled by dental coverage here in the US. Today I spent over two hours calling local clinics, insurance agencies, subsidized student guinea pig harvesters. Most places only pull teeth, or do free cleanings. The places that do actually perform more intensive work such as root canals, fillings and oral surgeries, have this "thing" where you have to be one of the first three callers of the morning to fill their subsidized "queue."

Which makes me really nervous.

I am currently sitting with phone in tow, number already dialed so that I may only need to press "send" once and hope and pray I am on of the first three. I then think about how many other people are in the same position as me, waiting. Waiting perhaps for a week, maybe they have been calling for days trying to get into this queue. I think to those promotions you hear about on the radio where you call in and if you are lucky caller number 9 you win free tickets to Guns and Roses. Lines jammed and congested as listeners furiously dial away, every man/woman for themself.

except here you are trying to win a ticket to obtain relief from the devil pick-axing away at your oral fixtures. Or maybe some more serious. still pitting every man/woman for themselves.

It is rather sick. I then wonder who's fun game this is, and who is getting amusement out of this.

I no longer want to call anymore, I do not want to compete to see who's pain means more. My friend reminds me though. Sharply. Excruciatingly. call.

Now you ask, why not insurance? Yes, why not get insurance it is supposed to help us after all. After looking through various programs and companies I actually was not thrown off by prices. Prices were completely fair, what really got me is this ubiquitous line called "waiting period." Basically after buying dental insurance, you must wait 6 months (some even 18 months) before you can get actual work like root canals, fillings and oral surgery done. Apparently 18 months is the time it takes for a problem to develop to such a magnitude where action needs to be taken. Insurance is here to help us?

So now I am stuck between caller number 9 dental appointments. Or waiting three months with painful friend. Funny thing is, throughout out all of this I was constantly thinking back to our leaders. I am not very politically savvy, but I for one will thoroughly look into the dental/health policies that our future leader will hopefully establish. Deep down in my heart for some reason I feel as though they are all empty promises and benefits that I will not reap until most of my teeth have left me already.

If anyone has any sort of Opiate, Morphine, Percacet, Oxycontin.
please share.

sepia vs burnt sienna

2008-08-31T03:39:00.007-05:00

Bengali functions and dinner parties, in general are something of a social marathon to me. Draining. Tonight the dry looming heat hung on me like a beast breathing down my neck. I searched for a quadrant of the room where I could fulfilling my social obligation as a spectator and seek colder, less inhabited air. I propped myself against the wall, flipping through some book I'd brought. Unable to focus, the words I read bounced back and hit me in the eyes. An attempted meditative state jabbed by blurbs and bits of conversation floating in and out.

"You know the hispanics, they party party. All Day. I know I shouldn't be scared but I am. They are all over the place I saw them all outside in the parking lot when we drove in. It must be the heat. I saw them open garages and music. And then they do the macarena. They like to eat too, you know they're a lot like us. "

.....

"You know white people, they are racist. The other day some lady's child came to our house- you know they are so culturally different? I have to protect myself, the kid they ask you for food? In this society they teach their kids to ask for food and not wait. So I didn't want to just feed their child, what if they sue me? What if they cannot eat our food? I made the child call their mother and ask if it was okay if I could give them food. I am only looking at our safety, what would I do if we get sued?"

I want to stand up for us. Endlessly and indefinitely. I just get disheartened at times. Forget about the actual speech, its beneath that. I anxiously await what is in store for our aging generation. I am optimistic.

Simpleton: "You got that good hair, too."
Sensible brother: "you like what?"
Simpleton: "I like girls with that light complexion."
Sensible brother: "you're a moron."
Simpleton: "I can't help it."
Sensible brother: "what, being a moron?"
Simpleton: "yeah, that too."
Sensible brother: "You're the first one out there with a dishiki talking that crap."
Simpleton: "I'm a victim."
Sensible brother: "good hair, nigga you so brainwashed."
Simpleton: "I'm a victim brother."
Sensible brother: "a victim?"
Sensible brother: "Shut up."
Simpleton: "Yeah, I'm a victim of 400 years of conditioning."
Sensible brother: "Shut up."
Simpleton: "The man has programmed my condition."
Sensible brother: "uh huh."
Simpleton: "even my conditioning has been conditioned."

LA Riots

2008-08-28T18:27:00.000-05:00

Here is the flickr set LA Riots.

I'll have videos up soonly :)

Click

regret.

2008-08-26T21:19:00.003-05:00

I'd swim across lake Michigan
I'd sell my shoes
I'd give my body to be back again
In the rest of the room

To be alone with you
To be alone with you
To be alone with you
To be alone with you

You gave your body to the lonely
They took your clothes
You gave up a wife and a family
You gave your goals

To be alone with me
To be alone with me
To be alone with me
You went up on a tree

To be alone with me you went up on the tree
I'll never know the man who loved me

- Sufjan Stevens

Candyland

2008-08-26T17:58:00.011-05:00

I haven't exactly been a model citizen when it comes to recycling and being green, but I mean I do give an honest effort. I have attempted to set aside a smaller bin next to my trash to collect plastic bottles, cans, cardboard. I walk the extra 100ft to make it to a tri-bin recycling garbage receptacle to toss my newspaper, cans and bottles into their corresponding homes.

I even stopped driving my car!
But- that can also be attributed to the fact that the state of MN does not like my attitude. It's okay. I assure myself that someday the Minnesota Dept of Motor Vehicles and I will one day meet up and reconcile, our rendezvous entrenched in endless tears and I'm-sorry-It-was-me-not-you's. yay

So, point with this post. I found the coolest accessory ever. I ran into this company called ecoist which specializes in making "green" jewelry, handbags, belts and other accessories. Utilizing sustainable materials they produce products made in sweat-shop free environments. They even go so far as to make BAGS out of candy wrappers and coke labels (which I personally thought was the neatest thing evar.)

Downside: pricey.
Upside: a functional use for non-biodegradable materials that enables them to collect dust in our CLOSET instead of our valleys, streams and fields. PLUS there's a 70% off clearance sale going on currently.

Okay, so I'm a little wowed out by all of this. Indulge me and check the site out. weeee.

Vanilla. Strawberry. Knickerbocker Glory.

2008-08-26T01:31:00.001-05:00

Oh jesus.

I just got done listening to the new one out from Fujiya & Miyagi. Perhaps many of you are familiar with their debut album "Transparent Things," whose work contributed to the verbiage of many a scorned hipstered lover; quoting the ever popular: Got to get a new pairs of shoes, to kick it with her, not kick it with you.

I personally liked most of Transparent Things, with my favorite being their random mash-up of T.I.'s 'what u know about that.' If you look it is probably lying scattered in the early postings of this blog. I'll tell you one thing, as good as TT was, it pales in comparison to the new one put out. I suggest you buckle yourself to the dinner table for a second helping of greatness.

This easily makes my top five of albums of the summer.
Just in time to bring it in for the fall as well.

adoration.

2008-08-25T17:04:00.003-05:00

I've always had the absolute biggest crush on her.

orangette

Don't Talk Down

2008-08-11T12:42:00.000-05:00

During the glam-rock movement in the late nineties/early 00's (think: Interpol, The Killers), The Stills stood underneath all the clamor even still- as one of the most underrated indie glam rock bands.

Anyone who has taken a listen to "Logic Will Break Your Heart," will understand the almost secretive display of genius work. You'd only notice the delicate tones and marvelous composition after listening to it one day randomly on a long walk home in the dark. Despite its depth, this album failed to make it across the boards like their fellow genre-mates like Interpol (yet another amazing band).

Now, in my honest opinion their sophomore album "Without Feathers," was to put it bluntly- a failed attempt to harvest the creative overflow from Logic will, but its okay- they have come back and holy shit have they come back stronger than ever with their new album "Oceans Will Rise."

The album kicks off with a steady ghostly intensity that drips out of every pore of first few tracks "Don't Talk Down" and "Snakecharming the Masses." Listening to this album you can feel a much more remastered and mature growth from logic will break your heart, their sound is more complete, strategically beautiful and simply wiser. Let's not forget the steady, respirating darkness that annoits the album to remind you of its presence, an epitome of the phoenix alive and preparing to rise from the embers.

I can definitely tell you that sitting here, I'm being blown out of my chair by this album. Below is the download link, enjoy!

The Stills - Oceans Will Rise (VBR 270 Kbps)
(mediafire link)

Club-Footing

2008-08-09T14:25:00.000-05:00

I was sifting through older tunes and ran into one of the best oldie (not so old I guess) but goodies.

Kasabian. I think I vaguely remember them being on the soundtrack for Need For Speed 3, you know- back in the day when the PS2 was huge and the psp had just come out. I totally remember how I would play "Club foot" in my car, simulating in my brain what would I would hope to be some sort of rally race.

Of course, I drive a daewoo. Not exactly a rally car.

anyways. listen and enjoy the nostalgia perhaps I soaked up when thinking about this gem of an album.

Noteable tracks:

- Club Foot
- Processed Beats
- Reason is Treason
- Ovary Stripe

click!
(megaupload link)

A lover's ramble

2008-08-06T02:01:00.012-05:00

I despise how sometimes I run to you so shamelessly,
But only when I am hurt or besieged with fear.

I'd like there to be more moments when I am elated with this world,
Arms akimbo, I'd turn to you and smirk in appreciative warmth.
Hopefully someday I will rid myself of all the prideful ostentation I've showered you with.
An obstinate wall, only for you I'd pry open.

You are not a discipline to be learned, a mere subject,
only to be outlined and broken down into footnotes.
You plucked me out of the nefarious bog,
Watered and fed me with your own hands.
Concocted a salubrious life for me to flourish in.

You deserve better than a mere student's academic devotion.

The syllables exalting you that dribble out of my mouth are crude and rudimentary compared to the arcanum that drapes itself around you.
But it is all I know, and I know very well that you don't discriminate.
That is why I love you.

Helio Sequenced.

2008-08-04T18:20:00.000-05:00

(This is an older post that I have brought to the surface and revived)

Tonight's show was The Helio Sequence at the 7th St Entry, featuring local bands Sika, and the other one I do not remember.

Two things.

Really. Really. tight pants on men bother me.

How are you comfortable. It makes me uncomfortable looking at the painted-on-ness of your pantage. eerr.

Sika. is. scary.

Whether the black nail polish. The high pitched gregorian chant (and I always like me some gregorian chant usually) then random high pitched screaming. The lead singer was russsian so when he said merch, it was awesome. that accent is killer.

Anywho. Helio Sequence killed it. My subsequent trip to the 7th St was yet another success. Cut Copy and Helio have differing attributes but were gorgeous live in their separate ways.

Here is the photostream for their set:

fotos

"Back to Square One"

2008-07-27T02:58:00.015-05:00

There was once a point in my life a long time ago, a defining several months in my life to be specific- where every note rang clear in my ears. I could decipher it's tune amidst the miasma of daily life and all its accompanying noise.

I had tutelage. I had a hand to guide me, one that was genuine and it was out love and because we understood the underlying message underneath the clutter that lie before us all. I was more of an observer and although beyond my insolent pride I understood the grander beauty of it all, I failed to believe so purely. I could never be so clear and so bright, I simply wasn't so sincere. Underneath the earth and soil that covered me up, I tried to shine as bright as day, indifferent to the ground that tried to suffocate me. Sometimes I choked.

Certain doubts that reside within the human soul, ones that grow from various varieties of seeds, they can flourish and spread. It is a fickle thing, our hearts. I've felt love so uncontained and unbound and such honesty only to have it plagued by doubts that our anxious minds apply.

Safety, has always lingered nearby as somewhat of a bystander. I don't think I'd want it to get in very close proximity to me, because it has not helped me, but rather has assisted me in further complicating many things. I do not appreciate safety. It serves the needs of fulfilling a definition for a word that holds no definition. What is safety to you? It is simply a word. It is a constraint.

I am familiarizing myself with older scenarios, perhaps not exactly the same thing as their ancestors but futuristic variations of em'. I have blindly felt my way back to where I use to be years ago, back to a place where I was also blindly feeling my way forward.

There was once a very bleak chapter in my life, I wasn't proud of it.
Nor of the things I did. In the end they caught up to me. Death or a subordinate of it, dipped their fingers in me to see if I was done. Much like how you check pasta to be al dente. I felt it catching my throat as their grasp was exiting. It felt, as if someone had taken my stomach and proceeded to rip it out of me through my jaw. All I could remember was staring at lines in the linoleum and its flickering image. I thought about many things, the first and last thing being heaven and hell. We are selfish humans you know.

The entire ordeal, had left me on a somber note one that permeated and settled within me. It etched its tablature into my soul. I was hit in the chest with an unfamiliar sort of anguish. One not provoked by things in the physical realm. As though I had burnt down to the ground but had overlooked something residing in the rubble. It's drumbeat was soft but steady, its rumbling continued, it scared me and set my heart racing as well. I wanted to run. I still do not know why, but I didn't, instead I embarked upon a search, to find a diagnosis for it. To sooth its clambering temperament. To seek peace.

So carefully I proceeded to pack up my life or what I thought it to be back then, I never looked back. I put one foot ahead of the other, and then another and more boldly so. I can still remember the way the air smelled, the color of the blades of grass. The intoxication of this freedom, this goodness, my heart was reeling. It's interesting how the human mind can hold onto such elusive details. Little did I know, but I slept in the palms of His hands that night.

Back then when I was forward-bound, somewhere along the road, I failed to heed the navigation of my heart. Somewhere alongside those moral longitude and latitudes, degrees of virtue slipped past me. It was as though my compass had been diverted. Rubbed once too many by an assortment of magnets of various nature with their pull and gravitational appeal. Unknowingly, I started guiding myself astray from myself.

Upon three years of my journey, I have found myself back at the very village where I started my trip from. I find it comforting in a sense. I would not have it any other way, I would rather begin again with virtually nothing possessing only the few simple grains that entailed my being. and reminded of the love that my heart yielded, and people that carried me through it all.

I only hope that I can remember what it felt like to be alive and my soul stripped naked of any adulterations of my past and what would have been back then, my future. I hope I can take this clarity and continue on in a path that is marked with decency and integrity. I hope to become used up and paved into whatever road I decide to live towards, that those bricks only convey the best of actions and feelings.

Most of all, I hope and pray- that this road, leads me to You

**at the end of all of this, I it would suffice well to remind myself that my problems, could always be worse. I've been lacking a lot of humility within myself recently, hopefully it can come back- and in a healthy manner I must add.

The Yellow Ones

2008-07-27T00:39:00.004-05:00

I feel my head going down again

You disappear, from the foreground.
I'm unaware, which way is down.

You disappear
(there's some strange shape in the sky)
From the foreground
(a bright light over the horizon)
I'm unaware
(it's changing direction now)
Which way is down
(it's headed straight for the village, better warn)

A major repair is on the way,
Require a blanket of silence.

Home ahead
Fall over
Vein empty

Fabriclive explorations

2008-07-26T17:10:00.000-05:00

Currently in the process of downloading and working my way through all the Fabriclives for some ideas/inspirations. And because I am quite good at procrastinating.

Although Cut Copy's fabriclive hand's down is my all-time favorite even for any electronic compilation in gen. Caspa & Rusko's throws down some fantastic tracks that'll awaken even the most dormant of dub-step lovers. Namely this track.

Caspa - Cockney Violin

And.

Here are two-tracks from Cut Copy's Fabriclive, this segue way specifically tantalizes every soft spot in thy brainium and I cannot resist listening to it over and over. Must be something about the clean overlap (something I've found fabriclive sets to be consistent in. beautiful.)

1. Goldfrapp - Slide In (DFA remix)
2. Severed Heads - Dead Eyes Open (Extended remix)

As the name goes

2008-07-25T17:31:00.000-05:00

This song. Still to this day, stops me in my little tracks.
Its canorous melody hits me in every single right place.
Every single one.

Alan Braxe - Addicted

The French man's electronically eclectic and perdurable talents are those to be feared.

Trucking. Freak the Truck Out.

2008-07-24T11:07:00.001-05:00

This mixtape is NOT for people with heart conditions.
I mean that in both literally and metaphorically.
If you like noise-rock, this might be up your alley.

Hey Big Spender

Tracks:
Death From Above 1979 - I am a Woman You are Machine
Liars - Plaster Casts Everything Around Me
No Age - Neck Escaper
Pixeltan - That's the Way I Like It
Blood Brothers - Set Fire to the Face on Fire
Femme Fatale - At the Altar
Health - Crimewave

enjoy.

Seriously.

2008-07-24T10:50:00.000-05:00

In a realm of art where the differences that set us apart are praised, its quite surprising and disheartening to see this sort of conduct.

Well. Maybe this might inspire Bloc Party to finally get back into good music-making after its fall post 'Silent Alarm'.

John Lydon accused of racist attack on Kele Okereke

Bloc Party singer left with severe facial bruising and a split lip following fight involving members of Kaiser Chiefs and Foals

Pitchfork T-Minus 1-day

2008-07-17T09:50:00.000-05:00

Well its almost here.

After waves of uncertainty, and exchange of tickets and rebuying of new tickets, megabus mishaps and rideshare rousing, we are almost on our way to pitchfork.

No I have not booked anywhere to stay.
Yes we will most likely take up a good fellow concert goer's friendly offers for lodging.
No we don't have a ride back yet for one of us for monday but we'll manage.
Yes I am more than willing to sleep in a park.

So, it just so happens that the weekend I choose to go to Chicago, all the megabuses are full. No exceptions. Since driving is the extreme last resort and greyhound tickets are at an upwards of $130.00, rideshare it be then.

The men of "Love in October," were kind enough to put up an ad on craigslist since most record companies don't fund new bands until they have proven their financial integrity, they must find alternative means to fund their tours. This is good for me because I get to chip in for gas and score a ride to Chi. Love in October just so happens to be playing at the Pitchfork After Party for Friday's line-up at Kinetic Playground so it all works out.

I am currently studying for my physics exam, then I will fill my backpack and leave right after it tomorrow.

Now. onto the music- enclosed is a pitchfork sampler of some of the artists I eagerly await to see.

DOWNLOAD Sampler
(Mediafire Link)

let's put this bluntly.

2008-07-17T01:42:00.000-05:00

This man is beautiful.

Hisham Bharoocha

and a track to go with him.

Pixeltan - That's the Way I Like It

going crazy here.

2008-07-16T17:01:00.001-05:00

So.

I regret to inform you of the bloody and tragic death of my ipod. It was beyond my control and even my untapped motherly adrenaline rage could not save it from its grotesquely savage plight.

In its stead I got a iPod touch, I got the older version which was 80 dollars cheaper than the new. Keep in mind that the difference between the old and new itouch is a software upgrade, this upgrade is available on iTunes for $10 (the USB 2.0 upgrade).

Now. Just recently iTunes and its apps programs have unleashed an amalgam of goodies for iPhone and iTouch, I mean monkeyball is pretty sweet and all but check what has been occupying my life for the past two days:

BEAT MAKER

http://www.intua.net/products.html

"BeatMaker introduces a new generation of mobile instruments and music creation software. Inspired by hardware beatboxes, loop samplers and software sequencers, it combines them to turn the iPod into a unique, inspirational software instrument."

This was just put out last week and I am still learning the ropes, but for $20, this is a delightful steal.

check out the youtube clip.

stay tuned for results.

Ich spreche leider nur ein klein wenig Deutsch

2008-06-27T15:38:00.001-05:00

Europe and Canada have always kicked our sorry asses when it comes to arts and music, and so it still continues. Upon internet scavenging, I tumbled into MIT, a trio from Germany and donwloaded their debut album "Coda" that came out the past March. I found their tracks delightful, namely the first one on the album "Beispiel." If you like harsh nintendocore-esque beats with alternations of lush muted electronic subtleties, perhaps this is something you'd want to take a listen to.

I will warn you though, for as subtle as they sound they contrast it with very unsubtle vocals. They catch you out of nowhere, much like a clown lurking in the umbrage of a musical landscape comprised of boxes and shadowed corners. Most of all I appreciate how you can tell how much delicate attention was paid when laying out the layers as well as the fine tuning and time that went into it. I thought about how they must either a) be incredibly incredibly nerdy or b) weather mild bouts of OCD. Both which are very okay in my book.

On my walks home I cannot express how much I am eating this album up.

Similar Artists: Ellen Alien, Apparat, Crystal Castles

Gehen wir! (As usual save link as)

MIT - Beispiel

2008-06-27T15:27:00.000-05:00

As I read that dreaded little **/**/**** I can feel my blood inside me bubble around the edges. I have been dismally waiting for my right-hand to come back. I have now given up hope for compy's return as I read each date change on its return and a final bout of closure with this lust to wait around and create something with my laptop, has finally settled on a spot to nest.

This leaves me with two options.

a) Use my university's school computers, which are indeed password protected. perhaps befriending a labster will do away with this slight annoyance.

b) I will continue to hoard everything on this precious flashdrive that I keep in my wallet, ready to whip out when in need. I went out and got a 4gb one. Small yet big. perfecto.

I am ready to make some music.

please come home.

2008-06-23T18:26:00.000-05:00

After careful meticulous planning of my days to enable me to arrive home daily before my apartment office closed at 5pm (along with its highly anticipated and very important fed-ex packaged treasures locked safely inside), I find out discreetly through an email (these days people like to utilize digital means to herald unwanted announcements) that compy will return 07/07/08.

I am quite disheartened, if they had told me a week before instead of the day it was supposed to come, I would have been quite cooperative.

I do not enjoy being built-up really.

well.

best. popcorn. ever.

2008-06-19T10:35:00.000-05:00

You see.
Even at the tender ripe age of 12 I knew quite a lot about how the world worked.
I knew what to eat and what not to eat. Even though the majority of humans told me otherwise.

yummy.

I wonder if there are any ways in can incorporate this into a recipes of sorts. spicy package mix.

Counting Down

2008-06-17T11:38:00.000-05:00

Alright,

Let's start the countdown.

In officially 31 days I'll be in lovely Chicago at the Pitchfork Music Festival

My shiny ticket came in the mail and is safely with me.

Being as that the Friday line-up proved of no interest to me, I've opted for the two-day Sat/Sun Passes which are now sold-out as well. You can still purchase individual $30/day passes if you still want to go. It's worth it.

Bands I am excited for:

- El Guincho

- Cut Copy (Again!)

- Les Savy Fav

- !!!

- Fleet Foxes

- No Age

- Bon Iver

- The Dodos

- Ghostface & Raekwon

- Vampire Weekend

Full Line-Up

**sampler being uploaded soon for PMF**

renewed hatred.

2008-06-13T21:54:00.000-05:00

my hatred for mac re-ignites.
my friend's macbook hard disk failed.
and took my pictures down into that abysmal digital black hole as well.

The good news: I found the warranty on my laptop. Sent it in a box and am now anxiously pacing around for its return to me.

I have four shows to update you on, as well as the Pitchfork Music Festival coming July.

Stay tuned my non-existent readership.

2008-06-03T23:10:00.004-05:00

sometimes. the drudgery seems a bit too comfortable.

I wonder at times if I let solitude settle into my marrow for a sufficient amount of time, whether I would avoid casting aside the silence altogether.

It is rare to find humans that don't long for the need of other beings to subsist. I don't believe I am one of those individuals, however I don't mind me some quiet time. some = a lot.

I get rather annoyed with most people on the street, whether its due to loud abrasive language, staring, slothlike tendencies and drawl or just things in general that disrupt my clouds of thought. I suppose it sounds rather selfish, but it is jarring and a nonetheless a thorn in my paw.

enter: isolation.

Oh for the love of Heavy Metal.

2008-05-14T17:13:00.000-05:00

I was reading Vice mag today and came across the trailer for this:

Heavy Metal In Baghdad

Also snooping around on Vice, I found one of my favorite advertisments. I think it was quite possibly newbie hijab induced excitement. I managed to celebrate that emotion haha.

I believe its June 2006 Issue, We Love Cops. at Intonation, Good Old times.

check'r out

Cut Copy @ The 7th St Entry

2008-05-07T11:41:00.000-05:00

I'm still trying to absorb the aftermath of last night, meaning the Cut Copy show at the 7th St. I was especially ecstatic about this show in particular being as that Cut Copy is from Australia, and does not tour very heavily. For me to be able to see them in a venue where I literally could see each droplet of sweat fall off of the band member's faces, was something surreal.

I usually reserve a bit a of patience for electronic bands when they perform live, because almost too often- stage presence and live instrumentals aren't utilized to their full advantage. The soundscape of the show was ultimately sublime and the way the band musically encouraged you to exercise your excitement, made my head spin. literally.

Let's just put it this way. The entire set of Cut Copy, I was grinning from ear to ear like a madman with a pulsating crowd behind me.

My only qualms were that the intricate synth that usually is heard on record, was lost in all the distortion, but as a band that uses live instruments to recreate an electronic sound, I commend them greatly for giving me more than my money's worth.

The openers for Cut Copy were The Mobius Band as well as The Black Kids. Now I've been hearing a load of hype about The Black Kids. Frankly I am over them, and their ability to remind me of a poor man's Go! Team. For some reason I kept looking at the guitarist and astounded by his uncanny resemblance to Puck from the movie Hook. Again, Black kids- eh.

Now for the good part, here are the links for the set as well as a video.

Enjoy.

Video Clip of "Out There On the Ice"

Photo Set:

Copy Copy Set (Flickr)

And of course, some tunes. Hopefully the links work

Cut Copy - Out There On the Ice
Cut Copy - Nobody Lost, Nobody Found

cheers.

Some Updates

2008-05-06T12:01:00.000-05:00

Well,

hello cosmos. I haven't been updating what with finals rearing its hideous way around the corner.

A few things.

1. I got a job. I get to play with mice and spend my time in a lab. = Happy.

2. I have tickets for shows now.

May 6th: Cut Copy @ The 7th St Entry, 8:00pm
- if I can calculate accordingly then I will also run my little behind over to Varsity Theater in time to make it to Tokyo Police Club. ALSO tonight, almost equally as exciting.
May 13th: The Helio Sequence @ The 7th St Entry
May 27th: The Presets @ The Triple Rock

This means that I will bring back pictures and update ya'll with music.

3. My computer crashed. The screen went out on me, its being nursed to health as we speak.

4. I've been on a Mac for the last few weeks and I must resign my hatred towards Macs, as the always PC loving gal, I've conceded that Mac is good as well.

5. I still want my PC back though.

Impressions.

2008-04-21T19:42:00.016-05:00

The first time for everything, is always something significant.Whether it is the first time you meet somebody, or the first time you commit something.You remember it. You can carry it with you for moments, days, months.
Years if you're lucky perhaps.

You remember every arch, breath, face, and word that was spoken. Every feeling that you felt. When the resounding echoes of you falling drape you as you seek and dissolve before God. A sweet, humbling crescendo. Legato and sustained. Your heart in line with your thoughts.

The first experience impresses into the clay of your mind, a print of its significance. So clearly can you feel all the details of each ridge and lip and depression. Information waiting to be integrally translated.

But as time goes by, like the continuum of an ocean's tide,
it can softly erode those cast impressions.
Taking away little by little with each pass.
Gradually until we cannot make out the finest of the details,
and then only the fine and then nothing at all.

Sometimes this is for mercy's sake. To forget the ill that has befallen us. Sometimes its the price we pay for the ever rising amount of lethargy that grows in our minds. Which battle rising costs of other things in our extracellular realm as well. Sometimes it because our indolent minds choose to follow others, instead of relying on our own moral roads to lead us.

We forget our path.
We forget how to make our own road.
We simply imitate others.
We wander about proclaiming judgments,
Decisions reeking heavily of self-inflicted abulia.

- We use bread instead of stones to mark our ways.
But the moonlight cannot reflect upon porous choices to guide us back home. As poor Hansel learned himself.

When we forget the good in people,
We forget to forgive them as well.
When we remember the bad,
We are able to make decisions much more swiftly. cleanly. louder.

Regardless of whether it was a legitimate cut or not.
Regardless of whether its soon to be owner was aware or not.

I implore all of us to find that path, upon which we can mark with concrete thoughts. To guide us back when we get lost.

For when we pass this world, we shall have nothing to follow home besides the pebbles we'd cast alongside us. We will search feverently, hoping somehow we left a way that will bring us to that garden where which we eternally yearn to reside in.

Cat-Sitting

2008-04-20T02:02:00.001-05:00

An unrelated post, but definitely something I can't not post. For some, this post will be very good excercise for your gag-reflex. ready.

I've been cat-sitting for the last two days. I was minding my own business and listening to music, when I went to go look for cat and he was nowhere to be seen. His name is Chairman Meow Ze Dong. (given by yours truly)

This is what I found. (Warning, excessive and redundant sets of cat pictures coming your way)

I have no idea how a cat even goes about wrapping oneself. I had to go get my camera and snap a few pictures...which led to 80 more pictures. Which led to this post.

That expression is absolutely killer.

Some elbow grease & inspiration

2008-04-14T13:23:00.000-05:00

"Digitalism" my muses.

Well,

it has been awhile hasn't it. luckily for me my readership is probably limited to I and chairman meow. regardless, I felt its time to wipe the dust (yet again) off of this and maybe take a little time to update you on the tuneage.

First off, I'd like to divert you to something that I found awesomely amusing. An example of why we should use tactful restraint when abusing the bounties of Shift +F7 (command+crtl+D for you flaming Mac users.)

Enjoy: The Eye of Argon

wheee.

a mix-tape at the end of the day. stay-tuned.

fork in the road.

2007-12-10T04:28:00.001-06:00

I feel as though the majority of quandaries that are set before us, can be likened to maybe a worksheet or homework assignment. You have your materials right there, you use them. Easy breezy, sometimes.

Sometimes we get exams though, the closed-book sort of thing. This is where we are tested on what material we have decided to decipher and let settle into the crevice of our brains.

Sometimes, we get the organic chemistry exam in the Islamic context. This is also where not only are you required to know the knowledge but know its various applications in different contexts of the chemical realm, or in this case the duniyah. Not so easy breezy.

I feel as though I have made some solid choices as of recently. Although I had various posts to fulfill the itch of contemplation that resided in these fingers, all I could come up with is a measly but hearty few paragaphs.

I will continue from now on, following my heart to disaster or delight. To truly taste the fruits of my labors that came from my own hands. Most importantly I will remember and be thankful to the Merciful one that has given me each breath to utilize it to make a better place for myself and others.

Raising the bars.

A Few Things...

2007-11-04T14:56:00.001-06:00

I decided I do like writing again, after a few years of cranial dormancy and other effects of past brain abuse. I decided yes, it is good to write.
I like the Minneapolis bus system. What I do not like are old ladies and old gentlemen who have to ride the bus and carry a duffel bag of groceries with them. I makes me want to leave with them and carry their duffel bag for them wherever it may be that they want to go. One old lady especially broke my heart, she was carrying a duffel bag full of captain crunch and other heavy groceries. She just wanted to go to the flower shop.

It's a sunday afternoon. Do you know where your grandparents are?
I do adore how people will excuse the fact that I am terrible at communicating and keeping in touch. And I will appreciate others likewisedly. Life is busy, I understand. The peace be upon everyone. :)
I have some more posts probably coming up, so stay tuned.

Musical Aspirations and Regurgitations of a Hardening Criminal

2007-06-09T14:25:00.000-05:00

I know it's been awhile since I've written in this. This can be explained by many factors, most interestingly the fact that I am up by 5:45 am, on a bus and off to "work." By work, I mean community work. Think concentration camp style. It's pretty interesting must say, but definitely puts a cramp on life in general. And interesting and humbling cramp I suppose.

Anyways, I was on the light rail early this past Friday in the morning. There is something about seeing downtown and the city right as it's waking up. I think Minneapolis is at its most beautiful state during this time. I am an insomniac, therefore it is not unusual to go to bed when everyone else is getting up, but this drastic change of time environment has proved to give nothing but good results.

So, anyways here are some tracks I listen to while on the train.
Not to mention Kitsune 4 is out, and its better than ever.
Not so choppy, more so sensible.
I posted my favorite of the album,
and other morning listenings, cheers.

Emily Haines & The Soft Skeletons- Rowboat mp3
Regina Spektor- Rejazz mp3
Charlotte Gainsbourg- Tel Que Tu Es mp3
Dragonette- I Get Around (Midnight Juggernaut Mix) mp3

loaded 44 on the low.

2007-05-09T11:11:00.001-05:00

Killer track.
almost like the perfect marriage.

T.I. + Fujiya & Miyagi - What U Know About Transparent Things
(thanks hoodinternet)

Oh, and in case you missed it:

Digitalism- Idealistic

after this paper.
I write a nice post.
goodluck and cheers!

Saturday Night's Alright.

2007-05-05T23:51:00.001-05:00

For the National.

This album has had a more than healthy run on my player for the last few, notably the track "Squalor Victoria"

I wasn't horribly impressed with previous releases like "Alligator" and "Sad Songs For Dirty Lovers" but this new album of theirs has me hooked. It's a bit darker than the previous ones in my opinion but in an upbeat and hopeful way. Something nice to slip on before you sleep, or to take with on a walk at night.

Look for them:
Mpls MN,
June 8th
400 Bar

Living on the outside of your skin.

2007-01-11T18:56:00.002-06:00

Originally uploaded by Sameli.

Throughout the years of revelation, epiphanies, self-discovery, we as humans still find moments where we amaze even ourselves. To most, "our self" is our own very best/worst critique. It's when other people assure you that you are okay or have fulfilled something that lets you ease up on that inner drive. In some cases it might even hinder you from your full potential.

Or even worse, people make assumptions. Which happens all the time, all the more reason why we should keep the judgemental daggers at bay for now. Because everyone gets theirs. Whether or not we hand it to them, they hand it to themselves, or Allah.

In my opinion in order to excel with our self-improvement, we need to dig deep and test ourselves in various situations and outcomes. Intracellular Quality Control. To look at tests in an "out of body" sort of manner is something extremely hard but with very productive data. We can look at the dispositions of other people, we can look at our own interactions and see wrong on both sides but yet learn from both sides as well. People teach us endless lessons, whether to be better or to learn what not to be. But we must make sure not to let others' opinions and ideas drive our thought process. They must truly be created from our own resolve.

Remove clutter.
Then think.
Isolate, you guessed it.
see: On Isolation

Learning 'what and what not to be' seems so simple on the outside, but its more than just a basic process of learning and applying. Now, looking at our personal self. Our "side," there is another subset of division. Underneath the composed surface of our behavior lies an intricate on-going scene of tug-o-war. Most of the time "they" appear as a dominate self, paired with an accompanying subordinate, usually holding a submissive tone. Its' a constant battle of microscopic debates being held about who knows more right. It all surmounts to a final decision on an action which is then executed. Enter catastrophe or victory.
Alright, a little lost? Here's an example.

In agreement: I am in a bad mood. (sees mp3 player).
Self 1: you know since you are in a bad mood and you know very well that listening to some music can provide a temporary means for comfort, why not?
Self 2: you also know that being in said bad mood, listening to music might just make it worse. Allowing you to dwell and reside in your current state as opposed to actively trying to overcome it.
Self 1: Just listen to the mp3 player, it'll make you happy
Self 2: I know you want to listen to the music but just go to bed. Its that easy.

This is an example of a simple decision, but what about the more important ones?

We as humans are inclined to fulfill our hedonistic requests. Anything for the moment that can satisfy us or pacify us, whether it's giving into temptations, splurging on that expensive item or even not doing something because of lethargy. The lines become tricky when you are trying to convince yourself you are doing something right. Where 'right' skirts the harbors of a coast of an idea. It's almost as though you have to "trick" yourself by knowing yourself, uh better than yourself. A lot of times it is shown through restraint and perserverance. A few of the crucial things we practice in our everyday lives in Islam.

This is where faith and our connection to our Lord comes in. If you can focus out on and look at the greater picture, you then get a grasp of what direction you need to be going and then go back in and make your decisions based on that. Oh, and its not easy. We are humans. Luckily Allah (swt) is merciful. Without guidelines, we would probably get so lost in the process of thought that we would trip and fall flat on our mental-faces because of the absolute vastness of the topic. There would be nothing but endless nothingness and no final purpose. We were given the Qur'an to use as a rulebook for this life we play with. It much easier I suppose to just read it and understand, but so much harder to realize the actual reason why it's there. That in part prevents us later on from repeating mistakes. It's a lesson learned, whether first-hand or vicariously. Much like if you got a ticket for jay-walking, odds are you that you wont plan to jay-walk again anytime soon. Much like if you saw someone get a ticket for jay-walking, you're going to be a little more careful as well. Or, if we're really smart, we'd just never do it period.

Maybe next time if I wanted to feel better, when I reach for my mp3 player to sate my hedonistic needs, it instead would be filled with some Qur'anic verses or something knowledgeable that would soothe my nerves and teach me at the same time.

I think Im losing it.

Living in the Three-Dimensional World. Part I

2006-04-01T16:21:00.000-06:00

"Compulsive Retrospection"

Although they say "Hindsight is 20/20," we often forget the repercussion of bringing back memories we sometimes bank for rainy days. Beneficial nostalgia- the things and lessons we learn to progress ourselves and our eman are good. Toxic nostalgia- are the things we use to keep us company throughout the day, when there are higher things needed to be thought about instead. Lessons need to be brief and more time should be spent on actually translating the things we have learned into actions, instead of merely trying to proofread every blunder we commit in life. We are not freaking RNA Polymerase II, Alhamdulillah. [RNAPII]

"We send down (stage by stage) in the Qur'an that which is a healing
and a mercy to those who believe: to the unjust it causes nothing but loss after
loss.

Yet when We bestow Our favours on man, he turns away and becomes
remote on his side (instead of coming to Us), and when evil seizes him he gives
himself up to despair!

Say: "Everyone acts according to his own
disposition: But your Lord
knows best who it is that is best guided on the
Way."

They ask thee concerning the Spirit (of inspiration). Say: "The
Spirit (cometh) by command of my Lord: of knowledge it is only a little that is
communicated to you, (O men!)"

If it were Our Will, We could take away
that which We have sent thee by
inspiration:then wouldst thou find none to
plead thy affair in that matter as
against Us,-

Except for Mercy
from thy Lord: for his bounty is to thee
(indeed) great. "

- The Noble Qur'an, 17:82-17:87

Action vs Apathy.

So, most are familiar with the term 'Qadr' aka Divine Pre-Ordainment. Destiny as some put it. It basically tells us, that although bad things happen, we shouldn't lament to our creator and look upon it as direct punishment- just grit your teeth, shrug it off and move on. This time, with with added knowledge of "oh. maybe I shouldn't do whatever it was that caused the bad event again." This is what I can only hope for people to do at least. Whether it actually does happen is another story. Everything happens for a reason dude and it's only skin now.

Some people will argue of course "But if blee blee blah happens, how am I supposed to know what is ordained by Allah (swt) and what are the products of my free will?" Alright, so stop fretting, and open your headspace for a second.

A Simple and crude explanation because sometimes, people are simple and crude: when you go to the bathroom, do you think that is the will of Allah? Or is that maybe your own personal choice to uh, go? Say if you were to wet yourself, do you blame Allah? Gosh, I know what a gross analogy this is, but it gets my point across. Free will is free will when applied accordingly and logically. You cannot be an idiot and also Islamic. Again see, say if you trip on a rock accidentally, that wasn't your free will. If someone walks by, points and laughs, that wasn't free will either (maybe it's free will of the person laughing.) and on and on. You get it now Insha'Allah.

Humanoid Video Game.

The most basic way I can explain this is through our lack of understanding of time and events. This is linked to qadr because it uses time as a function of events. I was listening to this lecture a couple days ago [regretfully I fail to remember who did it, so if you recognize it in this post, PLEASE tell me and I will appreciate it greatly] and it was on the topic of 'time.' Time as in months, days, hours, minutes, seconds. We are blessed already to be able to have such values, but they are given to us by Allah (swt). I have this firm believe that if He didn't want us to learn it, then he wouldn't have given us the resources of even getting near attaining that information. I'm tangenting.

Back to lecture: We live in this world, that is constituted by 3 and 1/2 factors: Length, Width, Height, Time. I say three and a half because we are not too sure about the whole time thing, but that it moves in one direction only: forward. Time doesn't stop or go backwards. However, Allah's (swt) realm has no limits or constraints. He can be past, present, future and we don't understand this because it is not meant or given for us to.

Example:

See the circle, Insha'Allah I uh hope you do. See the dot? Imagine if you were looking down upon a group of individuals that were only equipped with the knowledge of Length and Width, (as opposed to you knowing L,W,H). Now, tell them to touch that dot in the middle of the circle. It will take awhile and they will go up, down, right, left, up, down, etc, till they get to that dot, whereas YOU can just go in from above and touch that dot with your finger. 2d vs 3d. Three dimensional world. Those individuals aren't going to understand how the heck it came to be that you touched that dot so effortlessly, because they only know their own methods. They aren't built to understand concepts out of their reasoning. Much like you aren't going to understand time and why things happen, the placement, accordance and perfect precision of why they fit. It is because we can't even begin to EVER think on those levels. We aren't meant to. This is because Allah (swt) is the all-knowing, the merciful, and the greatest of Planners. Think about that next time you want to complain about why things happen they way they do and that your life sucks.

No calamity befalls on the earth or in yourselves is inscribed in the Book of
Decrees -- (Al-Lauh Al-Mahfuz), before We bring it into existence. Verily,
that is easy for Allah
- The Noble Qur'an Al-Hadid 57:22

Considering that at one time we thought the earth was flat, alhamdulillah for
being able to know better. We should still continue to pray for knowledge
though, because its given to us by Allah (swt) and they will be the tools of
our success for this life and the Hereafter. I'm done ranting for now. Hurty Brain.

Salaams.

Pioneers.

2006-03-25T17:16:00.000-06:00

Bloc Party- Pioneers.

If it can be broke, then it can be fixed
If it can be fused, then it can be split
If it can be lost, then it can be won
If it can be touched, then it can be turned.

A sense of purpose, and a sense of skill
A sense of function, but a disregard
We will not be the last,
We will not be the last.

Despite our tendency as humans to be like our environment, there are those who are against the grain. To be brave and stupid is somewhat noble, to be brave and honest is something purely honorable. So much, that people will not see at first what it is that you are trying to achieve. I commend anyone on standing up for the right thing, and to take the criticism with a grin.

O' Brother Where Art Thou.

2006-03-20T01:46:00.000-06:00

...Is the questions I ask sometimes.

Sometimes, also I question whether or not I am actually 'there' for the people I should be there for. It can get kind of convoluted intention-wise, but as I always banter like usual, we as humans should always be prepared to be empathetic towards each other even during events that shock us.

I also have this obscure and weird theory that we as humanoids, work like some old fashion clock. Think cogs. There you go.

One person meets another person, then in turn you meet another and another, and I know you all get the point, but what is absolutely amazing are the results that can come out from all this. Especially zooming out and seeing the path you carve, out of these encounters/results. Whether good or bad, they fit somehow together. Now you tell me that this is all chemical or some jaded biological equilibrium.

Reason why I mentioned this, is because applying that concept, it is apparent that we learn from each other. Our experiences that are traumatic, sad, happy, grand, angry, whatever it may be, are tools or tidbits for others to observe from the sidelines without having to answer to a rope tag in. We serve purpose to being friends with people, and we should hope that even IF they forget us, at least they don't forget the knowledge acquired. That alone is so valuable. I wouldn't care if someone forgot me, as long as they remember the things they could have learned from me and learned from my mistakes. That's why I'm here in part. To help. Cogs.

And see, people still make mistakes. It sucks, but it just happens. We are human. It's bad when you see a Muslim brother or sister do it, but sometimes underrated when a non-muslim with so much potential does it. I am an equal opportunity lovererer. I have hope for everything. It is the biggest heartbreak in the world when you see someone you love dearly fall in the same rut. Same hole. It absolutely drives me nuts, and I feel this is a smashing of many emotions.

Anger. At myself. For not making a better effort to impact people on how bad the consequences can get for our actions.
Sadness. That you have to witness it. Its like reliving everything all over again.
Frustration. Because you know you have to just sit it out and let Allah (swt) do His work, because who the heck are you to cry over spilt eman. Although its so hard not to.
Bargaining/Pleading. With Allah (swt); and to pray. For them. For us all.
Relief. Knowing that things are beyond your control and although sitting helplessly aside doesn't do jack for the other. It is sometimes all you can do. Well besides being empathetic I guess.

I'm thinking its along the lines of DABDA. Who knows.
Half a pot of coffee at Perkins at 1 am later.....This.
and a very rumbly tummy.
And an even rumblier heart.

Insha'Allah, I pray that although bad things that happen to us are regrettable at times, bad things are just great revelations in disguise. Only to be understood once extricated from situations.

Alhamdullilah we are Muslim otherwise I'd stress myself to certain insanity worrying about everyone instead of some. I had a point somewhere, but...hmm.

Salaams.

rambleramble.

2006-02-27T00:31:00.000-06:00

I prescribe isolation.
Sure, make it brief for the weak of heart.

I would wish well upon everyone, and wish that rather than regurgitate what we see, that we could prod back to where it came from. Be that bird trying to get that worm and not wait for the sorry oligachaeta to surface and reveal itself.
Fine, bad analogy.

I prescribe brief exposure to children.
They are insolent, but there are lessons still to be learned from them.
Their eyes see everything, and lack the noise that comes with age.
That's golden.

I had a friend give me this story:

There was once a man who was an enemy to Islam. He had three famous questions that no person could answer. No Islamic scholar in Baghdad could answer his three questions...thus he made fun of Islam in public. He constantly ridiculed Islam and the Muslims. One day a small boy, whos age was 10, came along and heard the man yelling and screaming at Muslims in the street. He was challenging people openly to answer the three questions. The boy stood quietly and watched. He then decided that he would challenge the man. He walked up and told the man, "I will accept your challenge". The man laughed at the boy and ridiculed the Muslims even more by saying, "A ten year old boy challenges me. Is this all you people have to offer!" But the boy patiently reiterated his stance. He would challenge the man, and with Allahs help and guidance, he would put this to an end. The man finally accepted. The entire city gathered around a small "hill" where open addresses were usually made. The man climbed to the top, and in a loud voice asked his first question. "What is your God doing right now?" The small boy thought for a little while and then told the man to climb down the hill and to allow him to go up in order to address the question. The man says "What? You want me to come down?" The boy says, "Yes. I need to reply, right?" The man made his way down and the small boy, age 10, with his little feet made his way up. This small childs reply was "Oh Allah Almighty! You be my witness in front of all these people. You have just willed that a Kafir be brought down to a low level, and that a Muslim be brought to a high level!" The crowd cheered and screamed "Takbir"...."Allah-hu-akbar!!!" The man was humiliated, but he boldly asked his Second question... "What existed before your God?" The small child thought and thought. Then he asked the man to count backwards. "Count from 10 backwards." The man counted..."10, 9 ,8 , 7 , 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1,0" The boy asked, "What comes before 0 ?" The man: "I dont know...nothing." The boy: "Exactly. Nothing was before Allah, for He is eternal and absolute." The crowd cheered again...."Takbir!"...."Allah-hu-akbar!!!!" The man, now completely frustrated, asked his final question. "In which direction is your Allah facing?" The boy thought and thought. He then asked for a candle. A candle was brought to him. The blessed child handed it to the man and asked him to light it. The man did so and remarked, "What is this supposed to prove?" The young boy asked, "In which direction is light from the candle going?" The man responded, "It is going in all directions." The boy: "You have answered your own question. Allahs light (noor) goes in all directions. He is everywhere. There is no where that He cannot be found. "The crowd cheered again...."Takbir!"...."Allah-hu-akbar!!!" The man was so impressed and so moved by the boys knowledge and spirituality, that he embraced Islam and became a student of the young boy. So ended the debate. Who was the young boy?

The young boy was one of our leaders and one of the greatest scholars, Imam Abu HanÃ®fa (May Allah bless him)

Compassion, self awareness, depth. I wish these things upon everyone. One of the few paths that'll probably lead to the betterhood of mankind. They are precursors for such a better understanding and contribution to our community. To any community.

This is random yeah. That story up above is pretty cool though if you think about it.
Sometimes, I wish there was a much better way to make people understand why my love for Islam is bottomless.

It would make me the happiest person in the world for them to understand, but they don't. It hurts even more because when you really care about people, you want the best things for them. Hardest part is to understand Islam and love it, but see beside you, your bestest and have them not. Its hard to watch. And you want to try and make them understand, but as I said before. They don't.

For the timewhile, I will have sit and be be confident in Allah's (swt)judgmentt.
For he is the Merciful, and Oft-Returning. Amazing how it works.
Just knowing that, makes my heart skip a beat.

A year says so much.

lies.

2006-01-31T06:25:00.000-06:00

this is definitely unrelated to almost the majority of my posts, but whatever. Its like 5 somethingsomething. So I watched AVP tonight (Alien versus Predator) the movie and was gravely disappointed.

Personally, I don't understand how in the world predator did not own alien.

If you can be invisible, have nice boomerang ninja stars, and a mental capacity much larger than let's see a walnut, wouldn't it be cake and pie to defeat such a crude foe.
I thought it was super cheesy as well, Predator doesn't make friends.

However, sequel for the hybrid species might be good.
If they manage to botch this one, then I give up.

All my geekwad friends, if anyone has a FF-X strategy guide handy, please let me borrow it for awhile. I'm stuck on Yunalesca since for a year. She's ruthless.

"Walmart? Is that like a store where they sell walls?" -Ms. Paris Hilton

2006-01-06T17:25:00.000-06:00

In related news. Here's an unrelated story that I found and figured I would put. Also it shows a glimpse of the adaptation I undergo as I move back home after living on my own for two years. Mild violence can be amusing.

Walmart.

A place where people go to get junk they dont necessarily need but its cheaper than Target.An innocent nice loving warm atmosphere full of mountains of useless crap, and heaps of impulsive shopping triggering eye candy. Innocent, or so I thought...until Today.

Soo...today I decided to go with my dear and wonderful loving psycho mother to Walmart to buy some junk. Its going okay, shes doing her thing, Im in my own world of cosmetic indulgence mongering yadda yadda yadda. I dont usually go shopping with my mom, usually the end result is a screamfest in the middle of the shampoo or deodorant aisle, becuase either my mother has done/said/breathed something stupid, or I have most likely lost patience and just start screaming to slacken the burden of my insanity. This time, I decided to cut us a break and try to spend some 'quality' time...You know, I never realized how many DAMN types of toothpastes there are. Seriously, I dont know how you people decide which one would most attribute to the further longevity of your life, becuase sweet mother of pearl, you best not pick the wrong one or else youd be screwed sucka...hmm.

Theres whiteners, polishers, gum care, tartar control. and you get the point. After looking AT ALL the types I finally came down to two, one said "Aquafresh Advanced Clean Whitening (new!)" the other said "Aquafresh Whitening with Advanced Clean (new!)" [Re-read both those titles again if you don't understand the redundancy] Someone needs to write a letter to Aquafresh and tell them to re-evaluate their marketing strategies and to make it more consumer friendly. Picking out a toothpaste shouldnt be like doing Linear Algebra, hellooo not all of us (me) graduated from MIT. And if you did..fush you mang.

After finally picking out one we went to the cash register...s....Being smart me, Im like 'oh lets do the self check out, its faster!" IDIOT. I instructed my mom to just put everything on the belt and I would scan, everytime I scanned something she run two inches from the screen going "HOW MUCH WAS IT HOW MUCH WAS IT." and I would point to the amount displayed on the screen. Now this was okay, okay until she kept doing it after EVERY item. I swear everytime I pointed at the amount on the screen my hand was slowly trying to fight my inner urge to practice my ever-rusty backhand. I kid I kid. She's my mother after all jeez.

Then came the process of paying, and Im like okay mom wheres the cash. "Cash? what cash?" and I could feel my blood presssure rise, after she spent 5 minutes trying to dig and find her check card I snatched it and swiped it for her, then told her to sign.

"But what if you scanned it twice, I think the machine charged me twice!" my mom accused.

"Mom, its fine, I used to be a cashier Ive used these machines trust me youd know it if it scanned it twice" I replied cooly.

my mother's rebuttal: "No. It charged twice. I know it! twice!"

Finally after loads of bickering, I grabbed the pen, scribbled a bunch of nonsense and clicked enter, grabbed the cart and just started walking away. My mom was so mortified she just followed me without any protest. So I figure okay Im done, spent quality time, outta freaking walmart now home sweet home. I get home, put away everything...then realize that I had left the ONE item I really was looking forward to playing with at Walmart. I had left it on the cash register becuase I had been so caught up with my mom's bantering about the stupid machine. It was rather expensive for how small of an item, Im a make-up addict so sue me. Its in that price range where its like "screw it Ill get another one another time I dont want to drive to get it" or "I freaking paid ten bucks for this little compact thingy, im going back."

Being the broke college kid I am, AND I was REALLY looking forward to using it, I went back. It was raining all day today and in Montana, rain = floods. The parking lot of Walmart was starting to look like a donkey kong game where once again I had to hip hop and traverse and swing (ok not swing but it'd be cool) across all this water. I truly was in concern for the amount of effort being put into Montana's water conservation and sewer system. serious guys.

So, I think im safe, I start speed walking to the automatic doors, all of the sudden "WAAAM" I skidded on my flip flop and flew smack into the doors headstrong...or rather facestrong. Of course only then did they opened and I fell in. Needless to say I felt like the biggest idiot in the entire bridger mountain range and this middle aged woman was behind me and said "oh! careful its slippery" Oh really you dont say? idiot. Old age must be like alcohol in the fact that it slows your reaction time. I bet it takes a lot longer for that stupid electric impulse in your head to move from brain to mouth..check...brain...then finally mouth and then output your stupid and obvious comment. Im not bitter :)

It didnt help she was going the same way I was, so I started walking away faster and slipped again I didn't fall, but man still? Finally showed my receipt got my item replaced ran out of that forsaken place as fast as I could. BIG mistake. I slipped and fell. It was one of those things you see on slow mo replay.

Flip flop flying.
Arms Flailing.
muddy skidding.
Me screaming.

oh. the beauty of it all. My sandal flew underneath some truck, and I had to wade in a puddle and fish it out. I was completely muddy from sliding the length equivalent to what seemed like a 50 m dash. Pride broken, patience obliterated... And I cried. Walmart succeeded and made me cry. I cried all the way to my car and went home.

Needless to say, they are getting a letter from me about their lack of management of sidewalks, sideways, and thier establishment in general. Oh yeah. That eyeshadow I drove all the way back for and I was so excited to use? I had just walked into the house and I accidentally dropped it on the floor and it broke into a bajillion pieces. Its so freaking ridiculous I just started laughing in insanity. As I do when most things are...well...ridiculous?

Salaams.

It has begun...

2005-09-07T22:25:00.000-05:00

I have had xanga for quite awhile, but I believe I can utilize blogger to the fullest by spreading the word of Islam. Truly, I feel that I need to dedicate a site solely for the purpose to at least enlighten the world about our awesome religion.

umm...It wouldn't hurt to rid the world of some ignorami-ness as well. *cough*